


interns, spiders, and potatoes

by turtle_bean



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: (ahem shuri/mj ahem), Aromantic Asexual Natasha Romanov, Asexual James Rhodes, Bisexual Harley Keener, Bisexual Peter Parker, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Flash Thompson Redemption, Gay Bucky Barnes, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Inspired by Twitter, Mentioned Skip Westcott, Minor Character Death, Multi, Secret Identity, Secret Identity Fail, Spider-Man Identity Reveal, Texting, Trans Peter Parker, Twitter, Vines, aromantic james rhodes, but its okay we love them, dont mind the random twitter users, eventually, i totally rush all of the relationships lmao, i wanted this so i wrote it myself, idk her, its inconsistent hes a jerk sometimes, kind of, literally starting to date after a singular conversation, may not be explicit tho, may parker dies in the middle big fat rip, peter parker has too much control over the internet, slow burn?, the avengers are so soft for peter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 05:49:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 10,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28808379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turtle_bean/pseuds/turtle_bean
Summary: the intern - @siinternhi twittertony stank – @ironman ✓Twitter, this is my intern. No thirsting or otherwise creepy things, as he is a minor.the intern - @siinternmr stark i got a twittertony stank - @ironman ✓I see.--or, peter makes an internship twitter account and his identity is revealed within the first week. harley's in this.disclaimer: this uses the characters that are owned by marvel, i do not own them, nor do i own any part of the universe. thank u marvel for ur contributions to society :))i tagged this as teen for language and the other tags for some referenced stuff, nothing major, this will be a pretty cracky fic with some light angst. enjoy!
Relationships: Academic Decathlon Team (Spider-Man: Homecoming) & Peter Parker, Harley Keener & Peter Parker, Harley Keener/Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Michelle Jones & Harley Keener & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker & Shuri, Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Shuri, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Kudos: 345





	1. welcome to twitter, peter

**Author's Note:**

> soooo this is going to be ur average twitter fic :)) i have a lot of it written but its kind of a mess. we'll see what i post. this kind of turns into parley/potatowebs/parkner/whatever ship name you want for for harley and peter fluff.   
> once again, i do not own marvel or any of the characters here.

the intern - @siintern 

hi twitter 

tony stank – @ironman ✓ 

Twitter, this is my intern. No thirsting or otherwise creepy things, as he is a minor. 

the intern - @siintern 

mr stark i got a twitter 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

I see. 

the intern - @siintern 

so anyway who wants to meet my doggo 

the intern - @siintern 

[video: peter is petting a hyper-realistic robo-dog. he is taking the video, so we only see his hands. we hear him say: aw, who’s a good pupper? you are! you are!” the dog responds: “bark.”] 

her name is pineapple and she is babey. also, how do i already have 200k followers? 

the gayest of all gays - @justasmollesbian 

i can say that @siinten is officially too pure for this world. protecc. 

SI INTERN STAN - @siinternstan 

ok i made a fan account for @siintern they only posted like three times and ashkjdfhaskjfj i already love them 

the sloth - @hhhsjhfjh 

im so confused?? if @siintern is a minor how did they get an internship?? @ironman? 

betty - @bettybrant_midtown 

@siintern, how did you get your internship? 

Stark Industries - @starkindustries ✓ 

Hello, we would like to clear up the confusion with @siintern’s account. Yes, he is an intern. Yes, he is a minor. @siintern is Tony Stark’s personal intern, and as such is close with the Avengers. He formed this account to give Twitter a peek into the domesticity of the Avengers. @siintern, tell Charlotte we say hi! 

Pepper Potts - @pepperpotts ✓ 

Hello, @siintern! Welcome to Twitter! 

the flash - @flashthompson23 

@peterwithanactualb i bet you’re jealous of @siintern. they have an actual internship. you’ve never met tony stark in your life. 

there’s a bEE? - @peterwithanactualb 

@flashthomson23 can u please just fuck off 

\------------------ 

2 days later 

\----------------- 

the intern - @siintern 

ok spidey doesn’t have twitter and i?? am angry. rt to pressure him into making an acc 

spiderman stan - @ilovespiderman 

@siintern PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE 

the flash - @flashthompson23 

@siintern yes!! do it!! 

literally a bean - @whatnowhatno 

@siintern SPIDEY DO IT 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

@siintern - Oh god. You two have met? 

spider-man - @spidermann 

um hi @siintern asked me to make an acc and @ironman @pepperpotts @avengers back me up here his puppy dog eyes are?? too much. so. here. hello twitter. 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

@spidermann, Don’t get me started. And for all of those asking, yes, @spidermann is Spider-Man's real account. 

obi wan kenobi - @babyyodaisjesus 

@spidermann OH MY GOD ITS REAL @ironman VERIFIED IT AFHSKJFLKSJF SPIDEY IS ON TWITTER 

SPIDERMANS BIGGEST FAN - @ILOVEYOUSPIDEY 

@spidermann hi!!!! i am your biggest fan!!!!!!!!! you are so cool!!!!!!!!! 

the flash - @flashthompson23 

@spidermann, omg!! i'm your #1 fan!! hi!!! i’m like in love with you!! 

the intern - @siintern 

whoops i made a Mistake 

Pepper Potts - @pepperpotts ✓ 

@siintern … 

natasha fucking romanoff - @blackwidow ✓ 

@siintern knows what he did. 

the intern - @siintern 

I may have,,, snuck up on nat,,, and,, given her a hug,,,,,,, 

Hawkeye - @birb ✓ 

@blackwidow how is @siintern still alive??? 

natasha fucking romanoff - @blackwidow ✓ 

@birb I may have,,, hugged him back,,,, 

future president ig - @finefolksherestheweather 

@blackwidow @siintern proof or it didn’t happen 

FRIDAY - @friday 

Hello! I am FRIDAY, Mr. Stark and the Avenger Tower’s AI. Many Twitter users have been requesting video verification of @siintern and @blackwidow’s encounter. Thankfully, I have cameras everywhere. 

[video attached: peter is draped in a fuzzy blanket which pretty much swamps him, he walks up to nat and hugs her from behind. she freezes for a second, then turns around and hugs peter back] 

seriously? @ivefallenandicantgetup 

@friday @blackwidow @siintern THIS IS TOO PURE GOD HASN’T ABANDONED THIS TIMELINE DFJSHFAJFKLJALSF 

natasha fucking romanoff - @blackwidow ✓ 

@friday, i thought we were friends. 

FRIDAY - @friday 

I’m sorry, @blackwidow, but @ironman is my father, and he asked me to post the footage. 

natasha fucking romanoff - @blackwidow ✓ 

@ironman i will fucking kill you 

the intern - @siintern 

afhsjfdldgjhs hug attack on @whitewolf too 

buck - @whitewolf ✓ 

@siintern gives the best hugs 

betty - @bettybrant_midtown 

@friday um?? I recognize @siintern?? what the everloving fuck?? peter parker????? please explain??????? @peterwithanactualb???? 

500k rt 

the flash - @flashthompson23 

parker???????? 

queen mj - @mjnotmichelle 

@friday @siintern @peterwithanactualb lmao exposed 

ned leeds - @gitc 

@peterwithanactualb im sorry bro 

the intern - @siintern 

uHhHHHHH @ironman @pepperpotts 

Pepper Potts - @pepperpotts ✓ 

@ironman, what made you think asking @friday to post video footage of @siintern was a good idea? 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

@pepperpotts um suddenly I'm jared, 19 

the intern - @siintern 

ohmygodohmygod @ironman i have finally rubbed off on you i knew you would be fluent in vine eventually im so proud of you this is a momentous occasion its his first vine, guys!! @shuriofwakanda, we finally did it!! 

Pepper Potts - @pepperpotts ✓ 

@siintern, please comment on @bettybrant_midtown’s post. 

the intern - @siintern 

@pepperpotts uhh yeet 

Pepper Potts - @pepperpotts ✓ 

@siintern, That Is Not What I Meant. Well, apparently @siintern is just as hopeless at secret identities as @ironman. Yes, @siintern is Peter Parker. Again, he is a minor, so please do not stalk him. 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

welp suddenly i have a million followers and im verified,,, i got this account two days ago,, also yes i am @peterwithanactualb. while i die inside over @ironman exposing me, please enjoy this video of @drbrucebanner and @ironman proving that all geniuses are, in fact, dumbasses. 

[video attatched: bruce banner and tony stark are deep in a discussion about quantum physics. suddenly, tony says: “wait, what’s that animal?” bruce: “ok, which one?” tony, snapping, trying to remember: “like, um, the fucking pink one.” bruce sinks his head in his hands and starts sighing repeatedly while tony runs his hands through his hair and appears to be deep in thought. suddenly, FRIDAY says: “sir, are you referring to the flamingo?” bruce and tony erupt in celebration.] 

in this house we stan si intern - @kittensorpuppies 

@siintern more wholesome content please!!! 

Dr. Leopold, Brain Surgeon - @askdoctorleopold 

@siintern @drbrucebanner @ironman, honestly, I can say all geniuses are like this. 

the flash - @flashthompson23 

uhhhh peter im rlly sorry for everything @peterwithanactualb 

there's a bEE? - @peterwithanactualb 

hi twitter its ja boy peter so this was a Day time for some @dennys 

denny’s - @dennys ✓ 

@peterwithanactualb its always time for denny’s. 

spider-man - @spidermann ✓ 

@peterwithanactualb meet u there 

Pepper Potts - @pepperpotts ✓ 

@spidermann @peterwithanactualb @siintern – No one is going to Denny’s. @avengers, family meeting. 

shakespeare 2.0 - @theshittypoet 

haflsadjfsafdsa; today was a blessed day thank u @siintern


	2. this is why we cant have nice things, tony!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> or: peter deals with the aftermath. (and the avengers show up!!)  
> once again, i do not own marvel, the universe this fic takes place in, or any of the characters, all rights go to marvel.

Private Chat Room: bi-derman, MJ, & guy in the chair 

6:27 PM: bi-derman: ughhghghghgh this is bad right 

6:27 PM: guy in the chair: at least flash will shut up?? 

6:28 PM: bi-derman: ssjsjjsjs may is yelling at mr stark 

6:28 PM: bi-derman: and pepper is too 

6:28 PM: guy in the chair: rip stark 

6:29 PM: MJ: fr, peter, u good? 

6:31 PM: bi-derman: well I mean ive been better but h o l y s h I t 

6:31 PM: guy in the chair: …. 

6:31 PM: MJ: … 

6:37 PM: bi-derman: H O L Y S H I T 

6:37 PM: bi-derman: so may was freaking out 

6:37 PM: bi-derman: and mr stark offered for us to move into the tower 

6:38 PM: bi-derman: hush hush ofc 

6:39 PM: bi-derman: and she said,,, y e s 

6:39 PM: guy in the chair: H O L Y S H I T 

6:39 PM: MJ: cool 

6:42 PM: bi-derman: pepper is making all of us stay off twitter she said shes going to make my personal acc private and hold a press conference to clarify the rumors abt me and mr stark but thank the lords I dont have to b there itll b tomorrow while im at school also H O L Y S H I T im moving into the tower !!

6:43 PM: guy in the chair: this is awesome!! you have to introduce me to everyone!! omgggg peter this is insane!! also you may want to respond to the acadec team... 

\-------------------------------------------------------- 

Private Chat Room: flash, cindy, betty, charles, abe lincoln, mj, ned, peter, & Sally 

6:12 PM: cindy: UHHHHHHH 

6:12 PM: cindy: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

6:12 PM: cindy: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh 

6:13 PM: cindy: @peter?? care to explain?????? 

6:13 PM: flash: um, i just want to state: i am really fucking sorry ive had a lot of shit at home and i took it out on you peter im really sorry 

6:13 PM: flash: also 

6:13 PM: flash: what the fuck 

6:15 PM: mj: i mean he did say he had an internship 

6:15 PM: Sally: He never said anything about a personal internship with Tony Stark! This is crazy! 

6:17 PM: abe lincoln: holy shit 

6:17 PM: abe lincoln: holy shit 

6:17 PM: abe lincoln: holy shit 

6:17 PM: abe lincoln: holy shit 

6:17 PM: abe lincoln: holy shit 

6:17 PM: abe lincoln: holy shit 

6:17 PM: abe lincoln: holy shit 

6:17 PM: abe lincoln: holy shit 

6:25 PM: betty: @peter?? hello?? you there?? 

6:38 PM: ned: peter is probably in that family meeting ms potts tweeted about 

6:44 PM: peter: uhhhh hi 

6:44 PM: cindy: asfhjsafkljslf hi 

6:45 PM: abe lincoln: holy shit 

6:45 PM: peter: so uh u guys have qs ig? 

6:45 PM: Sally: How did you get the internship? 

6:45 PM: abe lincoln: can u introduce me to the avengers 

6:45 PM: betty: What exactly is your relationship with the Avengers? 

6:47: PM: peter: uh ok @betty – mr stark found me fucking around with some old stark tech i found except ig i improved it?? anyway long story short he invited me to personally intern for him. @abe lincoln – yea maybe someday. @Sally – idk we’re bros 

6:47 PM: cindy: uHHHHHHHHH 

6:48 PM: peter: oof ms potts is yelling at me again gotta yeet 

\---------------------------------------------------- 

Stark Industries - @starkindustries ✓ 

Good morning, Twitter! @pepperpotts will be holding a press conference at 10:00 AM regarding @siintern and addressing some of the rumors that have been floating around. You may also notice that @peterwithanactualb’s account is now private. (thread, 1/2) 

Stark Industries - @starkindustries ✓ 

This is because @siintern would like his personal life to remain personal and we ask you to respect this. Anyway, happy Monday! What are you grateful for this Monday? @ironman @pepperpotts @birb @actualbirb @magicbih @ironplatypus @capsicle @drbrucebanner @thor @blackwidow @thevision @whitewolf @siintern @spidermann? 

spider-man - @spidermann ✓ 

@starkindustries i am grateful for churro lady. didn’t catch her name, but this really kind woman bought me a churro after i pointed her in the direction of her son’s house last night. thank you churro lady for the churro!! 

SPIDEY PLEASE RETWEET ME - @spidermannisgod 

omgggg @spidermann is too pure for this world 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

@starkindustries I am grateful that my brilliant and gorgeous wife @pepperpotts did not murder me after my Mistake yesterday. I am also grateful for my amazing intern @siintern and my daughter, Morgan. Thankfully, Morgan does not have Twitter yet. God help us when she does. 

scarlet witch - @magicbih ✓ 

@starkindustries i am thankful for my found family, @avengers. i do not know what i would do without you. specifically, thank you @spidermann for helping me with a bad panic attack last night. when i have a really rough one, he’s always there for me. 

the falcon - @actualbirb ✓ 

@starkindustries i am thankful for my amazing friend @capsicle. On your left. I am most cERTAINLY not grateful for @whitewolf or @birb for putting gLITTER IN MY PANCAKES FUCK YOU. 

Hawkeye - @birb ✓ 

@starkindustries I am grateful for @whitewolf who helped me put a glitter bomb in @actualbirb’s pancake stack and @siintern for making the glitter bomb. 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

goddamn it @birb @actualbirb hes lying I had no part in this. and @starkindustries im grateful of course for @ironman whos like a dad to me but shoutout to @gitc who’s been my friend since forever n is always there for me also @mjnotmichelle (1/2) 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

she can seem scary before you meet her, but once she lets u in she is just as human as the rest of us. couldn’t ask for better friends. ily guys!! (2/2) 

Iron Patriot - @ironplatypus ✓ 

@starkindustries I am forever grateful to @ironman. He has made me the man I am today and I have no idea where I would be if it wasn’t for him. 

Dr. Banner - @drbrucebanner ✓ 

@starkindustries, I am thankful for my amazing s/o. They know who they are. <3 <3 <3 

natasha fucking romanoff - @blackwidow ✓ 

@starkindustries i am grateful for @avengers. after my childhood experiences, i thought i would never love. the avengers prove that there is room in my heart time after time (@siintern, i really did like that hug). thank you. 

buck - @whitewolf ✓ 

@starkindustries im grateful for that special someone. 

Captain America - @capsicle ✓ 

@starkindustries I am thankful for Peggy Carter. If it wasn’t for her, the Avengers wouldn’t be who they are today and I myself wouldn’t be who I am today. Thank you, Peggy. 

THOR - @thor ✓ 

@starkindustries I AM GRATEFUL FOR MY GREAT HAMMER MJOLNIR. HE IS A FINE COMPANION IN BATTLE. 

IRON MAN I LOVE YOU - @westanatincan 

the avengers responding to @starkindustries is not the blessing we deserve but the one we need 

abe lincoln - @abelincoln_bi 

@drbrucebanner who is ur s/o?????? and @whitewolf????? 

gay meerkat - @smallandwithoutmoney 

omg @drbrucebanner and @whitewolf using nongendered terms talking about their s/o’s... 

\------------------------------------------ 

Stark Industries - @starkindustries ✓ 

Thank you to all who watched the press conference. In case you missed it, @pepperpotts denied the rumors of @siintern being @ironman’s son from his “playboy days”. She also requested that reporters do not go hunting after him. (thread, 1 / 2) 

Stark Industries - @starkindustries ✓ 

@starkindustries @pepperpotts also mentioned that Peter Parker, better known as @siintern, is one of the smartest people she has ever met, and confirmed that he has played major roles in many of SI’s products. (end thread) 

\--------------------------------------- 

Private Chat Room – pepper, tin can, & underoos 

9:17 AM: pepper: How did I do? 

9:18: AM tin can: You never fail to amaze me 

9:23 AM: underoos: i read the tweet n it was good but everyone is looking at me and it is Bad 

9:23 AM: tin can: Do I need to come down there? 

9:24 AM: pepper: Do you want to switch schools? 

9:24 AM: underoos: noooOOOooo and noo 

9:25 AM: underoos: when will this stop 

9:25 AM: pepper: I don’t know, but we are here for you <3 

\----------------------------------------- 

Midtown - @midtownhigh 

We would like to formally congratulate our student, Peter Parker, better known as @siintern, on achieving greatness with @starkindustries. Congratulations! 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

so,,, the thing they don’t tell u about being famous is ,,,,,,,, its hard. @ironman how do u Do It people are looking at me 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

@siintern make them afraid to look at you. 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@ironman i hissed loudly and now more people are looking 

Captain America - @capsicle ✓ 

@siintern, shouldn’t you be paying attention in class? 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@capsicle yes sir mr steve rogers captain america sir


	3. enter potato gun boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harley is finally introduced!! (short chapter, im sorry)  
> small tw: reference to suicide, nothing too big. also very brief reference to non-explicit homophobia.   
> once again, i dont own this wonderful universe and its amazing characters, all rights go to marvel.

spider-man - @spidermann ✓ 

so I talked down a jumper today and I just wanted to say that if youre ever having trouble thinking of something to live for, ive been there, hmu 

depressed thot - @nevergonnagiveyouup2 

@spidermann i was actually having a really bad day thank u 

scarlet witch - @magicbih ✓ 

@spidermann, ive been there as well. without the @avengers, i don’t know where i would have ended up after sokovia and losing my twin brother, pietro. im here to talk too. 

Dr. Banner - @drbrucebanner ✓ 

Yes, @spidermann @magicbih! Asking for help does not make you weak! When you are in a tough place, it's one of the hardest things to do. Please do not be ashamed!! 

spider-man - @spidermann ✓ 

@magicbih @drbrucebanner thank u guys ily 

harley - @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage 

@ironman old man when are u going to introduce me to @siintern 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

@tonystarkbrokeintomygarage hopefully never? 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@tonystarkbrokeintomygarage answer my dms 

BLACK WIDOW CAN STEP ON ME - @uselesslesbian98 

uhhhhhh are we not going to question how @ironman responded to someone with the handle @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage 

its yeet or be yeeted - @andiwillyeetyoufirst 

@ironman who is @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage? 

HI AVENGERS PLEASE NOTICE ME I LOVE YOU - @avengersbiggestfanforreal 

@ironman who tf is @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage????????? 

\-------------------------------------------------- 

Private DMs: 

peter: hiiii mr stark has told me a lot abt u 

harley: uhhh hi 

peter: u live in tennesse right? 

peter: you need to come to ny, shuri is in wakanda and no one understands my jokes 

harley: ill consider it 

harley: uhhhhh im over being famous can strangers pls stop @ing me thanks 

peter: don’t get me started school was The Worst 

harley: a bunch of guys who always hate on me for being gay are dming me 

harley: fuck them 

peter: oof .. come to ny??? 

harley: bring the private jet then we can talk 

peter: ok!!!! 

harley: wait no i forgot stark was a billionare n that can acc happen 

harley: i have a vacation in a week or two, hb that? 

peter: y e s 

\---------------------------------------------------- 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

Many people have been asking how I know @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage. He’s an old friend who happens to be a genius. Also a minor, so fuck off. 

the science gay - @noheterozygous 

I am HERE FOR @ironman adopting science children (@siintern, @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage) 

450k rt 

Iron Patriot - @ironplatypus ✓ 

@noheterozygous can confirm. 

IRON PATRIOT RESPONDED TO MY TWEET - @noheterozygous 

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD THANK YOU MR IRON PATRIOT 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@ironplatypus what no?? mr dad is not my dad???? 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

FUCK, NO, MR STARK MR STARK I MEANT MR STARK 

Pepper Potts - @pepperpotts ✓ 

@ironplatypus @siintern I know I should deny it, but @ironman is crying, so I’ll confirm. Sorry @starkindustries, some things are more important than PR. 

May Parker - @siinternsaunt 

@pepperpotts, I can confirm too. Love you, @siintern! 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@pepperpotts @siinternsaunt you too??? im ignoring this and instead donating this video of mr thor meeting charlotte 

[video: thor is eating a pop tart, then hears a bark. he looks behind him and sees charlotte and his face lights up. thor: “awwww such a noble beast.” thor is petting charlotte and she is barking happily, thor is smiling.]


	4. mr stabby stab, don't stab spidey!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter gets stabbed and FRIDAY's in twitter, apparently. also deadpool is in this chapter even though i literally know nothing about him other than the fact that he calls peter baby boy, so.  
> disclaimer: you know the drill, i dont own any of the mcu/characters in this fic, all credits go to marvel!

spider-man - @spidermann ✓ 

oof ouchies 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

@spidermann ?? 

SPIDEY PLEASE RETWEET ME - @spidermannisgod 

@spidermann are u ok????? 

ned leeds - @gitc 

uHHHHHH @spidermann ? 

spider-man - @spidermann ✓ 

yea im fine just got stabbed 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@spidermann lucky 

spider-man - @spidermann ✓ 

@siintern big mood 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

@spidermann I'm coming, kid. 

The Daily Bugle - @thedailybugle ✓ 

Is local menace, Spider-Man, a kid? 

sneezed on the beet - @andthebeetgotsicker 

@ironman how old is @spidermann???? 

\--------------------------------------------- 

Private Chat Room – bi-derman, MJ, & guy in the chair 

7:09 PM: guy in the chair: peter u good? 

7:21 PM: guy in the chair: peter??? 

7:36 PM: MJ: @bi-derman, answer. 

7:36 PM: guy in the chair: peter ur even scaring mj 

7:58 PM: bi-derman: hey sorry guys i passed out from blood loss im okay now tho. :)))

\--------------------------------------------- 

spider-man - @spidermann ✓ 

i lived bitch 

Pepper Potts - @pepperpotts ✓ 

We would like to clarify the misunderstanding with @ironman and @spidermann. No, @spidermann is not a minor. He is a young adult. In other words, he can vote, but he can’t drink. 

the flash - @flashthompson23 

@spidermann omg thank god ur ok!!! i was so worried for u!!!!!!! 

Dr. Helen Cho - @theavengersdoctor ✓ 

To all concerned, @spidermann is fine. He was stabbed twice. Spider-Man is stabbed often, much to @ironman’s displeasure, but this time it was a bit deeper than usual, and the stabber removed the knife, so Spider-Man lost quite a bit of blood. With his enhanced healing, he should be fully well in about two days, as long as he sleeps and eats enough. 

spider-man - @spidermann ✓ 

@theavengersdoctor and @ironman will kill me if I patrol before im cleared, so @deadpool will be covering for me. he promised not to unalive anyone. 

deadpool - @deadpool 

@spidermann, anything for you baby boy 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

[picture of spider-man, mask on, in hospital bed] @spidermann this is so sad @friday play despacito 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

what the everloving fuck @friday stop I didn’t mean it 

FEEL BETTER, SPIDEY!!! - @spidermanfanaccount8 

im cRyInG im like right outside the avengers tower and despacito is blasting 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

@friday, stop playing despacito or ill give you a virus. 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

oh thank the lords @ironman u never told me I can talk to her through twitter??? 

thor plz notice me - @thegodofthunderthorismylife 

@siintern @ironman lmaoooo 

Pepper Potts - @pepperpotts ✓ 

@siintern @ironman I was in a very important business meeting and Despacito started blaring in the building. 

THOR - @thor ✓ 

WHAT IS THIS DESPACITO AND WHY DID YOUNG PETER ASK THE TOWER TO PLAY IT 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@thor mr thor u still have much to learn @blackwidow did u understand? 

natasha fucking romanoff - @blackwidow ✓ 

@siintern yes 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@blackwidow im so proud of u!! @shuriofwakanda !! 

if she breathes she's a thot - @shuriofwakanda ✓ 

@siintern, we are making good progress. someday they shall be fluent. 

King T’Challa - @blackpanther ✓ 

@siintern, @shuriofwakanda will not tell me, what is a “furry?” 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@blackpanther you 

King T’Challa - @blackpanther ✓ 

@siintern, that is what my sister said??


	5. spider-man vs. the pew-pew guys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of gun violence/a school shooting. peter manages to stop the shooters before anyone is hurt, but he gets shot in the leg. also: referenced sexual abuse. flash kisses peter when he saves him, and peter is angery. this is what i mean by inconsistent flash redemption, he is very much a dick in this chapter.   
> anyways, i dont own these characters or their universe, all credit to marvel, this is just my little twitter fic :))

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

uHHHHHH mr stark a pew pew guy is here 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

@siintern, what the fuck? 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@ironman i mean i think i was pretty clear a bunch of assholes came to midtown and theyre armed hey @spidermann go thwip thwip 

spider-man - @spidermann ✓ 

im coming @siintern 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

UM @siintern, WHAT THE FUCK. 

\---------------------------------------------------- 

Midtown - @midtownhigh 

At 12:33, five gunmen entered Midtown. They took down security quickly, but thankfully, did not kill the guards. We are forever in gratitude to @spidermann for apprehending all five criminals before there were any casualties. (thread, 1/?) 

Midtown - @midtownhigh 

Spider-Man caught the first four gunmen without a hitch. The final intruder held a gun to one of our student’s heads, when @spidermann entered. The gunman stated that he would not be afraid to shoot the student if Spider-Man attempted to apprehend him. (2/?) 

Midtown - @midtownhigh 

Spider-Man quickly webbed the man to the wall, but not before the man could shoot off three bullets. With his quick reflexes, Spider-Man dove in front of the student, taking the bullets. @harrington123’s chemistry class included @siintern, who had left to call (3/?) 

Midtown - @midtownhigh 

the hero, @gitc, and @mjnotmichelle, two of @siintern’s close friends, who were acquainted with Spider-Man as well. @gitc, Ned Leeds, called @ironman, and the chemistry class helped keep Spider-Man awake until Iron Man arrived and took Spider-Man to the tower. Thank you, Spider-Man! (4/4) 

664k rt 

the flash - @flashthompson23 

@spidermann, you saved my life. thank you so much. i love you. 

ned leeds - @gitc 

@spidermann, are u ok?? 

SPIDER-MAN SAYS TRANS RIGHTS - @stanningspiderman 

@spidermann?????????? pls be ok???? @avengers @ironman @siintern is he ok???????????? 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

hi everyone, spidey thanks u for ur concern. he is going into surgery now. he will be ok!! 

\--------------------------------------------- 

Private Chat Room – bi-derman, MJ & guy in the chair 

1:09 PM: bi-derman: hrggghghg im not ok 

1:09 PM: guy in the chair: peter?????????? 

1:09 PM: bi-derman: ugggggggggggggggggggh pain. 

1:10 PM: bi-derman: also?? wtf?? when i saved flash he kissed me?????? 

1:10 PM: guy in the chair: yeah that was dumb of him 

1:10 PM: bi-derman: my dude I just saved ur fuckinsg life pls do not kiss me without consent my trauma said so 

1:11 PM: MJ: peter are you actually ok 

1:11 PM: bi-derman: well im still pretty not ok from that kiss, but my leg should b healed in a week ish 

1:12 PM: guy in the chair: are you going to school tomorrow? 

1:13 PM: bi-derman: yea i cant cut for a week i need to figure out an excuse of why im walking with crutches 

1:13 PM: bi-derman: also im going to go yell at flash bc that was rlly shitty 

\---------------------------------------------------- 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

well fuck 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

@siintern, every day I lose ten years off my life with you. 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@ironman, u love me <3 also I broke my fuckign leg 

[picture of a cast] @avengers come sign 

spider-man - @spidermann ✓ 

@siintern ha must suck not having enhanced healing 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@spidermann fuck off 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

ajfhfahdsjflasf the avengers signed my cast thank u guys 

\--------------------------------------------------- 

Private Chat Room: peter & flash 

1:47 PM: peter: hey so uhhhh 

1:47 PM: peter: just maybe don’t kiss people without consent 

1:53 PM: flash: ?? 

2:01 PM: peter: spider-man 

2:01 PM: peter: just dont do it bro 

2:02 PM: flash: omg spidey told u about our kiss??? 

2:02 PM: peter: um yea he was p upset abt it

2:02 PM: peter: he just has some stuff 

2:03 PM: peter: anyway moral of the story dont kiss w/o consent 

2:03 PM: flash: bro chill it was just a kiss 

2:03 PM: peter: spider man saved our lives a bunch of bad shit has happened to him and that kiss triggered him just apologize my man

2:04 PM: flash: fine tell him i say sorry and that im his biggest fan 

2:11 PM: peter: k 

\--------------------------------------- 

Private Chat Room - flash, Cindy, betty, charles, abe lincoln, mj, ned, peter, & Sally 

8:11 AM: charles: @peter how did you even break ur leg 

8:15 AM: peter: not telling 

12:33 PM: abe lincoln: ,,,im gonna say it,, ,,,,, , 

12:33 PM: betty: say it 

12:34 PM: abe lincoln: ,, i don’t care that u broke ur leg 

2:17: Sally: I still cant believe that we helped spidey


	6. the meeting.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harley and peter finally meet... and since this is just a twitter fic with absolutely zero slow burn, they get together right away lmao. just a bit of fluff before the next chapter...  
> btw its kind of unclear, peter does tell harley that hes spider-man :))  
> as always, i do not own anything here other than the plot, credit to marvel for their amazing and brilliant characters and universe!

\---------------------------------------------------- 

1 week later 

\--------------------------------------------------- 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

im healed also @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage is visiting tomorrow!! 

harley - @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage 

@siintern we're going to make potato guns @ironman @avengers u should be scared 

the falcon - @actualbirb ✓ 

@tonystarkbrokeintomygarage, we are. 

FEEL BETTER SPIDER MAN ILY!! - @whaddupimjaredim19 

@actualbirb @ironman @avengers, what’s so scary about @siintern and @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage?? 

Hawkeye - @birb ✓ 

@whaddupimjaredim19 the science children,,,,, they,, unite,,,,,,,, ,, 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@birb ily mr hawkeye!! 

\------------------------------------------ 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

uhhHHHHHH update: hes really cute 

only dead on the inside - @pleasekashootme 

omg @siintern are u lgbt???? 

i speak for the trees - @loraxstan11 

@siintern are u an lgbt 

THE GAY - @noheteroinmychristianserver 

@siintern ARE YOU ONE OF US FHFJJALKSFJALKSFJ 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

ive been getting a lot of questions so ill answer before i put my phone down to hang out with @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage: yes. i am lgbt. i am lesbian gay bisexual trans BOW DOWN TO ME MORTALS 

im new in town - @justasmolgaybean 

FHSKJAHLKAJFKLJAF @siintern is DEFINTELY QUEER 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

@siintern and @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage have kicked me out of my lab. Send help. 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

Update: they left and they each have two potato guns. They are now shooting potatoes at the avengers. 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

Update: being shot with a potato fucking hurts 

pepper potts i love you - @pepperpottsfanacc 

i am l o v i n g this harley/peter content thank u @ironman 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

Update: @pepperpotts gave them a Look and now they are reading a book to Morgan 

morgan stark - @morganstark 

hi twitter petey and harley made me this 

not a twitter bot - @nasaisrip 

@morganstark @siintern @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage lmao hey @ironman and @pepperpotts how u feel abt ur daughters twitter acc??? 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

@morganstark @siintern @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage DELETE MORGANS ACCOUNT RIGHT NOW FUCK YOU ALL except you, Morguna, I love you!! DELETE THE ACCOUNT 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

aw man mr stronks no fun 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

Update: okay I blocked them. Harley has been flirting with Peter the entire day and thinks that Peter doesn’t like him back. Peter has been turning bright red every time and just complained to me about how he really liked Harley and Harley would never like him. 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

fhkjdsflkjslf he asked me out i have a b o y f r i e n d 

[picture of peter and harley snuggling with charlotte] 

Captain America - @capsicle ✓ 

@siintern @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage, you guys make a great couple. Sending love from me + my other half. 

THE AVENGERS ARE ALL GAY SPREAD THE WORD - @avengersaregaydealwithit 

this truly is a blessed day first we get @siintern n @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage and now @capsicle is referring to his partner with nongendered language t O O what a great day for the gays 

spider-man - @spidermann ✓ 

hey @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage do u know who i am 

harley - @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage 

fuck you 

\-------------------------------------- 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@tonystarkbrokeintomygarage is leaving today. i like him a lot. sad intern. 

buck - @whitewolf ✓ 

@siintern no no sad 

natasha fucking romanoff - @blackwidow ✓ 

when @siintern is sad, @avengers are sad 

harley - @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage 

im sorry :(((((( ill miss u darlin @siintern 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

shfkjshdfkjsjfkljslf 

\--------------------------------------


	7. rip...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry,,, i had to do it to yall,,, ,  
> tw: minor character death. very short chapter, peter is sad bean.  
> marvel owns the universe and the characters!! this is but a small fanfic outside the absolutely amazing mcu :)

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

uhhhhhh @siinternsaunt why aren’t u responding to me 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@ironman fuck can u come here 

harley - @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage 

@siintern u ok darlin? 

STUCKY FOREVER - @captainamericafanacc 

um is everything ok with @siintern 

\-------------------------------------- 

Stark Industries - @starkindustries ✓ 

We regret to inform you that @siinternsaunt, @siintern’s Aunt May, has passed from a sudden heart attack. Our greatest condolences to @siintern. 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

tfw everyone u love dies 

SPIDERMAN STANNER - @iloveyouwitheveryfiberofbeingspoody 

@siintern are you ok??? i send love!!! 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

hi everyone thanks for caring about me. im ok. my parents died in a plane crash when i was four and my uncle ben died in a mugging when i was 13 and now my aunt may, who was my guardian, died, so life is kind of shitty @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage i need cuddles 

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

@siintern and @spidermann will be taking a break from social media. Spider-Man was quite close with @siinternsaunt as well. 

harley - @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage 

anyone figured out teleportation yet? i need to give @siintern cuddles 

if she breathes shes a thot - @shuriofwakanda ✓ 

just @ me next time @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage im coming to asscrack tenessee to come bring u to babey 

harley - @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage 

wait @shuriofwakanda are u frshdfjslfj 

FUCK TERFS - @thisismyvoiceonemonthont 

@tonystarkbrokeintomygarage the heebie jeebie teleportations got him 

harley - @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage 

w h a t t h e f u c k it worked 

[image of peter and harley cuddling, both their faces are in each others shoulders] 

\----------------------------------------- 

five days later 

\----------------------------------------- 

Spider-Man Watch - @spidermanwatch 

@spidermann rescued 11 civilians from a burning building. Unfortunately, he did not make it out before the building collapsed. @nyfire is on the scene now. 

stanning spooderman - @spoodermanstan 

honestly what the fuck universe @spidermann is mourning @siinternsaunt and now he has a building collapsed on him?? finna kill a bitch @god 

god - @god ✓ 

@spoodermanstan you called?


	8. the punishment.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> new chapter! #asktheintern, the definite overuse of "i lived bitch" in this fanfic, some avengers come out, and what will FRIDAY's punishment be,,,?  
> credit to marvel for the universe and the characters!! thanks!!

tony stank - @ironman ✓ 

Thank you to all who have worried about @spidermann. Physically, he broke three ribs and fractured his kneecap. Mentally, he’s a bit shaken up, but alright. 

spider-man - @spidermann ✓ 

i lived bitch 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

hello twitter, thanks for all of ur well wishes, im alright. @ironman is adopting me so what the fuck?? anyway @pepperpotts is going to kill me for this, but fuck off im sad. anyway, qna? #asktheintern 

O CAPTAIN MY CAPTAIN - @captainamericasbiggestfan 

@siintern, are you close with @spidermann and the other @avengers? do you know spidey’s identity? what do you do with your internship? #asktheintern 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@captainamericasbiggest fan 1) im pretty sure @whitewolf is @capsicle’s biggest fan ;) also mr bucky and mr captain america please dont kill me for that 2) yes 3) yes 4) i work a lot with @spidermann actually and also fuck around with @ironman 

bucky - @whitewolf ✓ 

@siintern fuck you 

PEPPER POTTS IS MY QUEEN - @theavengerscansteponme 

@siintern who is dating who in the @avengers? #asktheintern 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@theavengerscansteponme they would kill me if i told so ill just tell u mr iron patriot @ironplatypus and natasha fucking romanoff @blackwidow are the only single ones, but neither are ready to mingle 

Iron Patriot - @ironplatypus ✓ 

@siintern @theavengerscansteponme, this is actually a great segue. I’ve been meaning to say this for a while, but never had a chance. I am aromantic and asexual, which means I feel no romantic or sexual attraction. 

natasha fucking romanoff - @blackwidow ✓ 

@ironplatypus @siintern same. 

spider-man - @spidermann ✓ 

@ironplatypus @blackwidow uwu uwu 

IN THIS HOUSE WE STAN AN INTERN - @siinternismyfavorite 

first @ironplatypus @blackwidow fhjsahdfl u guys are the best im acc aro/ace too and shfjskfshfkjdhfks also @siintern what are ur nicknames for all of the avengers?? like how come u called @ironplatypus mr. iron patriot and @blackwidow natasha fucking romanoff? #asktheintern 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@ironplatypus @blackwidow ily guys!! @siinternismyfavorite, i like your @!! also THANK YOU FOR THIS QUESTION. so, let’s start with @ironplatypus. unfortunately i don’t know him as well as some of the other because he has an actual job and isn’t always hanging out at the compound (1/?) 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

unlike some people i know ahem ahem @avengers. anyway so i just call him mr. iron patriot or sometimes tin can the second because he is close with @ironman. next, @blackwidow. we are pretty close. when i first met her, i whispered: “thats natasha fucking romanoff” and slowly backed away (2/?) 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

so thats her nickname now, or nat. @drbrucebanner - mr dr banner sir, green bean (the hulk). @magicbih is like my sister, ill usually just call her wanda. @birb is generally CLIIIIIIIIIIIIINT bc i always seem to be yelling at him when i talk to him, and @actualbirb tends to be actual birb. (3/?) 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@antman is the ant dude, @capsicle is cap, capsicle, grandpa steve, uncle sam, mr america, mr steve rogers captain america sir, and theres a lot more, u get the point. @thor is usually just hrhhgrggehhh, (4/?) 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@witchdoctor is doctor strange, hes been hiding from u, twitter, go follow him!! anyway, hes the witch doctor, or just mr dr strange. @thevision is vis/vision, @whitewolf is buck, bucky, mr bucky barnes white wolf sir, soft boy, android, refrigerator magnet, (5/?) 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

(insert s/o’s name)’s bitch, etc. @ironman: dad, mr. dad, tin can, mr. tin can, dumbass genius, mr. mentor, hE’s nOt mY dAd (he is), babbo (dad in italian), mr stark (to annoy him), mr. stronk, tiny strank, tony stank, you get it (6/7) 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

and @spidermann’s a bitch (7/7) 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

ok qna is over thanks for your questions im sorry it was cut so short but i kind of went off on @siinternismyfavorite. that was fun!! 

spider-man - @spidermann ✓ 

fuck you too @siintern 

THE INTERN RESPONDED TO MY TWEET - @siinternismyfavorite 

asfgdsfjlsd thank u so much @siintern that was amazing ur so wholesome this is the best day of my life first i learn 2 avengers are ace/aro and then @siintern goes on a rant about his nicknames for the avengers in response to me?? asfhsljdfl; 

FRIDAY - @friday 

@siintern forgot to include me. Now he will suffer my wrath.


	9. dont mess with FRIDAY.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peter gets punished, the avengers are sO SOFT for peter, peter's friends are verified, and some more avengers come out.  
> i feel like the chapters have been getting a lot shorter, sorry about that, this one is on the longer side :))  
> once again: i don't own marvel or the characters or universe!!!! thank you to everyone who has ever worked at all on the mcu, because without you, my little fanfics couldn't exist :)))

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

@friday uhhhhhh thats not ominous or anything 

mr iron dad - @ironman ✓ 

@friday, what are you preparing? 

mr iron dad - @ironman ✓ 

What is my name and why can’t I change it? 

FRIDAY - @friday 

I have given all of @siintern’s contacts their contact name in his phone as their twitter handle. You will see that he left out some nicknames in his list. They are unchangeable. Revenge. 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

@friday fuck you. 

mr iron dad - @ironman ✓ 

@siintern @friday I’m not crying, you’re crying... 

miss iron pepper-mom - @pepperpotts ✓ 

Can anyone tell me why @ironman is crying on the sofa? 

miss iron pepper-mom - @pepperpotts ✓ 

@siintern @friday I see. I may have joined him... 

mr colonel iron uncle sir - @ironpatriot ✓ 

@potus due to personal reasons, I will be taking my lunch break early today. 

witchy sissy!! - @magicbih ✓ 

ADGSAHDSJDLKHDJLAD @siintern i am never changing this @friday thank you god hasnt abandoned this timeline 

science uncle :) - @drbrucebanner ✓ 

@ironman @pepperpotts @siintern is there room for another on that sofa? 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

y’ALL HE GAVE ME A HEART 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

@birb love u fake ass birb 

uncle ant - @antman ✓ 

I WASNT READY I WASNT READY 

uncle birb for real - @actualbirb ✓ 

... My heart ... 

mr uncle god king thunder sir - @thor ✓ 

I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO SEE HOW YOUNG PETER HAS CHRISTENED ME 

mr uncle god king thunder sir - @thor ✓ 

@siintern MY BROTHER HAS INFORMED ME THAT I LOOK LIKE A HAPPY PUPPY. 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

@thor omg mr thor youre with mr loki?? tell him to make a twitter!! 

soft spidey aunt <3 - @blackwidow ✓ 

oH MY GOD ITS PERFECT 

mr android brother - @vision ✓ 

I am honored to call myself your brother, Peter. 

mr witchy woOooOOOoo - @witchdoctor 

i accept 

uncle so, you wrecked amurica - @capsicle ✓ 

:)

uncle america’s bitch - @whitewolf ✓ 

uhhHHHHH 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

it’s @friday’s fault!! 

uncle so, you wrecked amurica - @capsicle ✓ 

I’ll address it, because it was bound to get out at one point, and this isn’t the shittiest way to come out with it. (don’t make the fucking lAnGuAgE joke i swear to god) Yes, @whitewolf and I are dating. End of story. No other comment. 

CAPTAIN AMERICA SAID STUCKY - @captainamericaxwintersoldier 

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

@capsicle @whitewolf f i n a l l y i swear those two are fucking adorable together 

uwu uwu uwu - @shuriofwakanda ✓ 

testing to see if @friday blessed everyone in @siintern’s contacts or just the @avengers 

uwu uwu uwu - @shuriofwakanda ✓ 

FUCK YOU @siintern YOU NEVER CHANGED IT BITCH @friday I TAKE IT BACK THIS IS A CURSE MY ACCOUNT IS NOW CURSED FLEE WHILE YOU CAN 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

@shuriofwakanda OWO 

spider-bitch - @spidermann ✓ 

fuck u too @siintern 

nedward vader in the chair - @gitc ✓ 

@siintern <3 (also im verified now???) 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

ily @gitc !! 

darlin (<3) owns my uwus - @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage ✓ 

AGFKJASFHJKASHFKL i love it darlin @siintern (@gitc me too??????) 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

asfhsjdfklasdf;lks;ldfgs @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage u called me darlin again uwu uwu uwu uwu 

scary lesbian jesus - @mjnotmichelle ✓ 

@siintern if i dont like it im getting @gitc to hack @friday 

scary lesbian jesus - @mjnotmichelle ✓ 

@gitc you are forbidden from hacking @friday @siintern thank you 

uwu uwu uwu - @shuriofwakanda ✓ 

@mjnotmichelle “scary lesbian jesus” n also @siintern’s friend?? answer my dms 

punchy punchy pink panther - @blackpanther ✓ 

@shuriofwakanda, please keep your love life off Twitter. 

uwu uwu uwu - @shuriofwakanda ✓ 

@siintern @friday I TAKE IT ALL BACK I WILL HAPPILY USE A CURSED ACCOUNT FOR THE PERFECTION THAT IS “PUNCHY PUNCHY PINK PANTHER” 

punchy punchy pink panther - @blackpanther ✓ 

@siintern *sigh* 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

hehe sorry mr black panther sir @blackpanther @shuriofwakanda 

uwu uwu uwu - @shuriofwakanda ✓ 

@siintern pls get scary lesbian jesus to answer me 

scary lesbian jesus - @mjnotmichelle ✓ 

@siintern pls get the literal princess of wakanda to answer me 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

@shuriofwakanda @mjnotmichelle yall too cute just kiss already


	10. the shuri/mj content we've all been waiting for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> featuring: an incredibly rushed relationship, a soft mj, and a supportive pepper-mom.   
> really short chapter, sorry about that, it was just easier to split up this way based on the content ive already written.  
> yall know what im going to say, credit for these stupendous and marvelous characters/universe goes to marvel!

Private Chat Room – Shuri & MJ 

[Shuri changed their name to ‘a literal princess’] 

[a literal princess changed MJ’s name to ’scary lesbian jesus’] 

3:47 PM: a literal princess: hey 

4:06 PM: scary lesbian jesus: hey 

4:15 PM: a literal princess: so you know peter? 

4:15 PM: a literal princess: do you have any embarrassing pics of him? im getting a little low on my blackmail. 

4:17 PM: scary lesbian jesus: [baby peter in iron man onesie] 

4:17 PM: scary lesbian jesus: [toddler peter in iron man helmet] 

4:17 PM: scary lesbian jesus: [recent picture of peter in iron man pajamas, laughing] 

4:18 PM: a literal princess: asfhsjdfalksjfldsflskfl;s thank u lesbian jesus 

4:18 PM: a literal princess: so what do u look like?? 

4:19 PM: scary lesbian jesus: [picture of her surrounded in heart emojis] 

4:20 PM: a literal princess: hrhhhhhhhh gay what the fuck how are you so gorgeous 

4:21 PM: a literal princess: here’s my ugly ass [picture of shuri rolling on the floor from laughter] 

4:21 PM: scary lesbian jesus: hrhhhhhhhh gay 

4:21 PM: scary lesbian jesus: google search: how do i flirt 

4:22 PM: a literal princess: ay google get me in on that action 

4:22 PM: scary lesbian jesus: fr this is this all my crushes have been on straight girls ur the first 

4:23 PM: a literal princess: soooo u have a cruuuush on meeeee 

4:23 PM: scary lesbian jesus: @sun, time to explode please 

4:24 PM: a literal princess: im just kidding!! @sun please dont explode!! bih i have a crush on you too 

4:24 PM: scary lesbian jesus: ,,,am i ,,, , jared 19? 

4:25 PM: a literal princess: i know its early but i have a really special feeling about you,, ,,,, 

4:25 PM: a literal princess: date me? 

4:26 PM: scary lesbian jesus: ummmm are u sure im not jared? the smartest, most beautiful, absolutely funniest person in the world wants to date me??? not to mention shes the fucking princess of wakanda?? how am i already simping we just met please do not tell peter i have Emotions 

4:27 PM: a literal princess: uHHHHHH is this for real??? are we seriously dating???? 

4:28 PM: a literal princess: hold up 

4:37 PM: a literal princess: ok look outside ur window i teleported bitch 

\------------------------------------------------ 

uwu uwu uwu - @shuriofwakanda ✓ 

uhhHHHHH so meet bae @mjnotmichelle 

[picture attached of shuri and mj cuddling under fuzzy blankets] 

scary lesbian jesus - @mjnotmichelle ✓ 

@shuriofwakanda <3 <3 <3 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

@mjnotmichelle she has Emotion?? @shuriofwakanda what did u do to her???? 

punch punch pink panther - @blackpanther ✓ 

Congratulations, @shuriofwakanda. @mjnotmichelle, I look forward to meeting you. 

nedward vader in the chair - @gitc ✓ 

!! @mjnotmichelle i have seen you smile six (6) other times. you met @shuriofwakanda like twenty minutes ago and she already gets one ?? wow u must really b simpin 

miss iron pepper-mom - @pepperpotts ✓ 

@mjnotmichelle and @shuriofwakanda you two make a great couple! 

cindyeet - @cindymoonmoon 

@siintern, thank you for the name, and @mjnotmichelle what the fuck?? you have abandoned us yearning lesbians and got yourself a literal princess? of the most beautiful country in the world??? the fuck?????? 

CAPTAIN AMERICA AND WHITE WOLF ARE DATING EYE - @shippingaccount67 

hfasdfhklsjgfkshadgkjslg this @mjnotmichelle girl is friends with a literal meme and is now dating a princess? we stan


	11. the mj & peter & ned chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a bit of a filler, sorry about that. recovering peter, soft platonic soulmates, me pretending i have star wars opinions despite having to look up the name of a movie, and peter riling up twitter.  
> disclaimer: i do not own the mcu or any of the characters in this fic, all credit goes to marvel.

Private Chat Room – bi-derman, MJ & guy in the chair 

6:04 PM: bi-derman: omg!! @MJ congratssss 

6:16 PM: MJ: thanks 

6:17 PM: bi-derman: we stan one (1) power couple 

6:18 PM: guy in the chair: congrats MJ! 

6:26 PM: MJ: thank youuuuu she’s sleeping over i think im already in love 

6:27 PM: MJ: but fr @bi-derman are you ok? havent seen you five days ago. is mr stank making you eat and sleep enough? is harley giving you enough cuddles? i miss you 

6:28 PM: guy in the chair: yeah !! 

6:32 PM: bi-derman: thanks for worrying about me u guys,,,, also mj shuri has made u soft. i mean im as well as u would expect. im heading back to school on monday i should be physically fully healed from the building and mentally alright by then so i have tomorrow and sunday and then back to hell :(( bc i miss yall. harley had to go back to tn so ive been cuddling with mr dad and ms pepper mom. also i mean that building falling on me was n o t what i needed rn but twitter has been a nice distraction. anyhoo any way u guys can sleep over sunday night? 

6:33 PM: guy in the chair: ofc bro!! you sure you’re okay??? 

6:33 PM: MJ: sure shuri has to go back to wakanda anyway 

6:35 PM: bi-derman: i think ill be okayish on monday ive been crying a lot this week but mr dad and pepper and the rest of the avengers especially wanda with her mind controlly things have been cheering me up:))))) 

6:36 PM: guy in the chair: ok! im glad ur feeling okayish!!! and im glad u both found someone special!! 

\---------------------------------------------- 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

thank you guys for helping cheer me and @spidermann (we’re acc really great friends, a lot of u were concerned about the “feud”) up!! we’ve been pretty bummed about my aunt and i mean a building just fell on him but we’ve been having a lot of fun on twitter. (1/3) 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

also shoutout to all the avengers, especially @ironman @pepperpotts & @witchbih, but really all of them, for helping me out. ill be returning to school and social media on monday. for now, @midtownhigh will just have to miss me, and ill be putting my phone back away until then as well. (2/3) 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

thanks again for all ur support!! also for those who will definitely ask: spoodyman just had a building fall on him and has been having some really bad panic attacks. he’ll be continuing his twitter break as well. (3/3) 

\---------------------------------- 

Private Chat Room – bi-derman, MJ & guy in the chair 

5:27 PM: bi-derman: u guys are coming over tonight right 

5:28 PM: guy in the chair: yessir when do u want us to come 

5:28 PM: bi-derman: anytime, im just chilling with mr dad and aunt nat its great anyway the point is come as soon as u can i miSS YOU 

5:29 PM: guy in the chair: ok im packing my overnight bag, will prob get there in a little over a half hour 

5:32 PM: MJ: im on the subway now, there in ten 

5:36 PM: bi-derman: agfkjdaklfdlg;kd;lgk;s im so excited to see u guys its been too long 

\---------------------------------- 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

my friends ditched me to hang out with @spidermann >:( 

[picture of ned, mj, and peter (with the mask on) under blankets, watching a movie. the picture is dark, the only light is coming from the tv] 

spider-bitch - @spidermann ✓ 

@siintern bitch i came to hang out with u and then u got all mopey and went to take that picture :(( 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

@spidermann oh thank u bitch!! 

spooderman, spooderman, doing things a spooder can - @inthishousewelovensupportspooderman 

@spidermann and @siintern are lowkey brothers like this is exactly how i interact with my siblings lmfao 

eat the rich munch munch - @capitalistpig2 

@ironman is @spidermann a science child as well???????? @siintern can u confirm?? 

avengers conspiracy theorist - @avengersconspiracytheoristt 

AVENGERS CONSPIRACY THEORY #24: @spidermann and @siintern are biological brothers!! proof: they interact like siblings, they seem to be quite close, spider-man took off when peter’s aunt/guardian passed, in this essay i will, 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

@avengersconspiracytheorist where’s the essay 

THE INTERN RESPONDED TO MY TWEET FJHAKLJFKLA - @avengersconspiracytheoristt 

sghfklsajgl;fksl;gk @siintern are u confirming??????? 

mr iron dad - @ironman ✓ 

To all those asking, and somehow #biologicalspideyintern is now #2 trending, no, @siintern and @spidermann are not biological brothers. Yes, Spider-Man is one of my “science children.” Yes, Spider-Man and Peter see each other as brothers. 

spider-bitch - @spidermann ✓ 

well put mr stonk @ironman 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

its mildly creepy that i have gotten 72k responses to my tweet abt how spoody crashed my sleepover asking what movie we’re watching, but honestly?? its more endearing ., ily guys!! also we’re watching the force awakens, the best star wars, all other opinions are wrong, bc @gitc n i are g i a n t geeks and @mjnotmichelle is too busy thinking abt @shuriofwakanda to care 

uwu uwu uwu - @shuriofwakanda ✓ 

@mjnotmichelle heard u were thinking abt me ( ˘ ³˘)♥ 

PARLEY FOREVER - @im_chewbacca_roar 

@siintern YOUR STAR WAR OPINIONS ARE V A L I D 

darlin (<3) owns my uwus - @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage ✓ 

@siintern i like geeks :3 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

well *01101001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110010 01101100 01100101 01111001 01110011* (thanks for helping me with this, @gitc!) 

[i like harleys] 

darlin (<3) owns my uwus - @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage ✓ 

i cheated with google and eye- <3 <3 <3


	12. #capfindourbananas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ft.: the cap banana trope, sad peter parker, and irondad. also twitter thinks that peter is 18-21. plus none of the twitter names have been changed bc friday was serious about her punishment.  
> i still don't own any of the mcu universe or characters, credit for those amazing things goes to marvel!!

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

it’s 12:30 am and y’all better be ready for @capsicle’s banana rant 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

what prompted this, you may ask? me, bitches. he went to get a midnight snakky snak and i offered him a banana. you will thank me later. 

trans rights!! - @literallynonbinarylmao 

@siintern @capsicle i’m q u a k i n g 

uncle so, you wrecked amurica - @capsicle ✓ 

LISTEN UP BITCHES 

uncle america’s bitch - @whitewolf ✓ 

l a n g u a g e 

steve, probably: that was oNe tiMe 

uncle so, you wrecked amurica - @capsicle ✓ 

Your government is fooling you. Bananas?? NO. THESE YELLOW BEANSTALKS ARE IMPOSTERS. Before the ice, bananas were GOOD. One day, after I’m thawed, I decided I’d like a banana, as I will, and I take a bite out of this banana-looking fruit, and IMMEDIATELY, I spit it out. 

uncle so, you wrecked amurica - @capsicle ✓ 

IT’S NOT BANANA. It frustrates me so goddamn much. Where is the government hiding the real bananas?? Hm?? And what are these “fruits??” 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

twitter, go wild. please make grampa steve trend. #capfindourbananas pleas e 

mr iron dad - @ironman ✓ 

@siintern GO TO SLEEP 

\------------------------------- 

2:00 AM 

TRENDING: 

1: #capfindourbananas 

2\. #acab 

3\. #irondad 

4\. #biologicalspideyintern 

5\. #gayavengers 

\---------------------------------- 

3:30 AM 

\--------------------------------- 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

u ever feel like ur cursed and everyone u ever love dies 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

also, poll: is ketchup 

a) tomato smoothie 

or 

b) not 

mr iron dad - @ironman ✓ 

@siintern do you need a hug? 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

@ironman yes please dad ned n mj are asleep and i don’t want to wake them 

#CAPFINDOURBANANAS - @spookyspoody 

i am hERE FOR @ironman and @siintern content this is some high key ironfam 

\-------------------------------------- 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

good morning twitter! i was very pleased to wake up and see that #capfindourbananas is still holding strong in the #1 trending spot!! i got a lot of people responding to both of my tweets very early this morning as well and eye- 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

1) apparently we as a collective arent advanced enough to appreciate that ketchup is, in fact, tomato smoothie, and 

2) thank u guys for the kind comments, seriously, i got a long cuddle and had a dmc with @ironman and ended up getting in about 6 hours of sleep. not too bad!! 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

nOW time for school can we get some fs in the chat 

scary lesbian jesus - @mjnotmichelle ✓ 

@siintern f 

darlin (<3) owns my uwus - @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage ✓ 

@siintern f 

nedward vader in the chair - @gitc ✓ 

@siintern f 

cindyeet - @cindymoonmoon 

@siintern f 

gOOD mOrNinG miDtOwN - @bettybrant_ 

@siintern f 

fastass - @flashthompson23 

hey man, i just want to say im really fucking sorry..,, i deserve this name..,, also @siintern f 

uwu uwu uwu - @shuriofwakanda ✓ 

@siintern f 

#CAPFINDOURBANANAS – SPREAD THE WORD - @theinternismysunshine 

@siintern f 

\-------------------------------------------- 

PLEASE FOLLOW ME SPIDER-MAN - @spideyfan_1 

ok real talk time (1/?) 

PLEASE FOLLOW ME SPIDER-MAN - @spideyfan_1 

@pepperpotts confirmed that @spidermann is between 18-21. he has been spidering for a year. spider-man was between 17-20 when he took on the responsibility of an entire city. (2/3) 

PLEASE FOLLOW ME SPIDER-MAN - @spideyfan_1 

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS BEING A SUPERHERO? I SURE FUCKING DONT!! spider-man has been dealing with ptsd and freaky fracky criminals while he was 17-20 + 18-21. he runs toward the danger and he is a literal child. we stan a fucking icon @spidermann ily!! (3/3) 

spider-bitch - @spidermann ✓ 

thank u @spideyfan_1!! 

SPIDER-MAN RESPONDED TO MY TWEET - @spideyfan_1 

ADGASHDFKLAFKLASFJKLASDJL:ASD NO PROBLEM @spidermann WE STAN SO HARD 

\-------------------------------------------


	13. it is wednesday my dudes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> triple date with shuri/mj, peter/harley, and ned/abe bc he was the first acadec member i could think of lmao. peter is also really intent on having spider-man intrude on his moments,,,   
> anyway i have one chapter left after this one, may or may not abandon the fic, only time will tell. i have a few ideas but i havent really felt motivated about this fic in a while, i wrote it a few weeks ago. anyway! enjoy the fluff :))  
> disclaimer: all credit for the universe and characters goes to the amazing marvel universe!! thanks for creating it so we can all enjoy the beauty of the mcu :))

uwu uwu uwu - @shuriofwakanda ✓ 

its wednesday my dudes n wednesday is dATE NIGHT im ready to see my bae @mjnotmichelle teleporter is all ready we’re going to [redacted] w @siintern and @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage 

scary lesbian jesus - @mjnotmichelle ✓ 

@shuriofwakanda ( ˘ ³˘)♥ 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

@shuriofwakanda @mjnotmichelle @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage can’t wait!! ill miss u @gitc, u need to find that special someone so u can join!! 

nedward vader in the chair - @gitc ✓ 

@siintern we were actually keeping this secret but neither of us want to miss out on a triple date with yall so @abelincoln_bi + i are dating!! are we invited @mjnotmichelle @shuriofwakanda @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage 

uwu uwu uwu - @shuriofwakanda ✓ 

@gitc ofc!! the more to give me blackmail on @siintern >:) (i love my girlfriend too much to blackmail her <3) 

the babey - @siintern ✓ 

@gitc @abelincoln_bi i dm’d u guys where we’re going, we need a group chat!! 

scary lesbian jesus - @mjnotmichelle ✓ 

@siintern done 

\--------------------------------------------- 

Private Chat Room – the science kiddos

[MJ added Shuri] 

[MJ added Peter] 

[MJ added Harley] 

[MJ added Ned] 

[MJ added Abe] 

[Shuri renamed the chat room: the science kiddos] 

[Shuri renamed MJ: ‘scary lesbian jesus’] 

[Shuri renamed Peter: ‘bi-derman’] 

[Shuri renamed Harley: ‘potato demon’] 

[Shuri renamed Ned: ‘nedward vader’] 

[Shuri renamed Abe: ‘the literal abe lincoln’] 

[bi-derman renamed themself: ‘bi-intern’] 

[bi-intern renamed Shuri: ‘villain’] 

4:23 PM: villain: o shit peter did someone not know ur spoody? 

4:23 PM: villain: for how?? you are actual shit at secrets?? 

4:23 PM: bi-intern: @the literal abe lincoln didn’t know, but we weren’t t h a t close before, so its ok that he knows now hi abe!! 

[bi-intern renamed themself: ‘bi-derman'] 

[bi-derman renamed villain: ‘a simping princess uwu’] 

4:24 PM: a simping princess uwu: i cannOT ESCAPE THE UWUS 

4:24 PM: bi-derman: >:) uwu uwu uwu uwu uwu 

4:25 PM: the literal abe lincoln: ummm 1) what the fuck im in a group chat with the princess of wakanda 2) what the fuck peter is spider man 3) what the fuck im in a group chat with spider man 

4:25 PM: bi-derman: it’s spider-man with a hyphen get it right bitch 

4:25 PM: bi-derman: also yeah u forget shuri is a princess pretty quickly 

4:26 PM: a simping princess uwu: bitch 

4:26 PM: bi-derman: o and ned!! congratsssss 

4:27 PM: nedward vader: thanks!! ive been simping for abe for so long i cant believe he made the first move like yesterday this is insane 

4:27 PM: scary lesbian jesus: nice ned @a simping princess uwu i cant wait to see you again <3 

4:28 PM: the literal abe lincoln: wow still not used to mj showing emotions 

4:29 PM: bi-derman: im going on patrol at 8 and im calling harley so u guys can continue without us (would be boring) or go off by urselves too 

4:30 PM: potato demon: hi 

4:30 PM: potato demon: yeah im going to watch i wish i could be there with him but what can u do when u have a superhero bf 

4:31 PM: bi-derman: hfsdfjlksjflskl;f i can’t wait 

5:33 PM: bi-derman: @nedward vader @the literal abe lincoln where are u guysss we are all here waiting for u 

5:33 PM: nedward vader: sorryyyy we’ll be there in two min 

8:02 PM: bi-derman: dshfaslkdfls;kfd;sf;ls i love delmar’s sometimes when ur famous the best spot for a date is a sandwich shop :)) hope u guys have fun on ur seperate dates 

\------------------------------------------------ 

mr sandman man me a sand - @genzrelatable 

@siintern @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage @shuriofwakanda @mjnotmichelle @gitc @abelincoln_bi how was y’all date?? 

uwu uwu uwu - @shuriofwakanda ✓ 

[picture of the six of them with sandwiches posing in front of delmars:   
mj’s head is buried in shuri’s neck, shuri seems to be laughing, her head rolled back, sandwich in one hand, her arm around mj in the other, peter and harley are talking while eating sandwiches, dont seem to notice that a picture is being taken, ned is taking the selfie, half his face is in the bottom frame, abe is kissing his cheek] 

[selfie of mj and shuri cuddling under many blankets] 

[picture of mj and shuri with tony stark, who seems to have given up on life] 

we went to the best sandwich shop according to @siintern, then we all went off on our own, @mjnotmichelle and i just went back to the tower and cuddled, then we crashed tony’s Sciencing so i could yell abt how ghetto his shit is 

the intern - @siintern ✓ 

[picture of peter lying in harley’s lap, eating a sandwich, gazing up at harley, harley is gazing down at peter] 

[picture of spiderman, peter, (photoshop) and harley on the empire state building] 

[birds eye angle of the six of them under a lot of pillows: 

shuri and mj are just cuddling, peter is bright red and smiling at harley, abe and ned are kissing] 

@shuriofwakanda, yes it is!! give @delmars_sandwiches some business!! @spidermann crashed my and @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage’s date >:( and took us to the top of the empire state building, it was freaky but romantic. we kicked all the avengers out of the common room and we’re all sleeping there now :))) 

nedward vader in the chair - @gitc ✓ 

[picture of abe on ned’s back piggyback style in front of delmars, both are laughing and eating sandwiches] 

[selfie of abe and ned with bowling balls in front of bowling lanes] 

[video of abe freaking out as he enters the tower] 

can’t believe i have a bf!! @abelincoln_bi and i went bowling, it was a ton of fun but he beat me :(( abe’s reaction is literally mine when i first came to the tower but hes really fucking adorable so i had to share 

aberaham lurncaln - @abelincoln_bi 

uhhh so i have like 100k followers now hi @gitc im having so much fun fhsdfjklsfl;sakfl;s


	14. the triple date - clint's pov

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> clint tells about the end of the triple date,, sorry this chapter is really bad. i dont know what im talking about in half of it. it took me a while to write and i still dont feel good about it, but ill post it anyway. hopefully i add onto the fic,but it could really go either way.  
> and, once again, i do not own any of the mcu's stunning world or any of the great characters, all credit goes to marvel.

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

so, a lot of yall have been asking about the triple date. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

let me just tell you. it is madness. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

lets start with @abelincoln_bi and @gitc. i know them the least well out of everyone, but let me tell you, they are insane. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

so all of us were taking shifts on checking on the kiddos because we do not trust them at all. it was 10. they were watching a movie. so i go to the common room, and find @mjnotmichelle, @shuriofwakanda, @siintern, and @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage watching star wars. ned and abe are nowhere to be found, 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

so i ask peter about where they are and he shrugs and cuddles harley. this is Bad. you do not let geniuses loose in a science tower. they will cause Mayhem. next i ask @friday. she says, “wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy.” 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

now, they are also science children. they are smart enough to hack her. i assume they did. and why do you hack something? you are doing A Bad Thing. i start to panic and run to peters lab. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

theyre not there, so i check @ironman’s lab, then @drbrucebanner, etc, i go through all the labs, theyre not there. i am Scared. i call tony, but he can’t override the protocol. @gitc has hacked into @spidermann’s suit before, so tony isn’t too surprised, just worried. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

so then we just start a full sweep of the tower, and eventually i find them in a guest room. first i am relieved that they seem to still be living. then i see what they’re doing. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

oh, i forgot to mention, before i went in i had heard them from outside the room, and i heard the mickey mouse clubhouse song. they were singing along for part of it, and then began cackling hysterically. as you will. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

so anyway, i open the door, and they abruptly shut the show off and stop laughing. then they start chanting: “you better watch out. you better watch out. you better watch out.” and getting louder each time. they cant see me, because the light’s off. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

this chanting is getting worrisome, so i turn on the lights and start screaming what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck. once their eyes adjust, they laugh and said they just wanted to watch some tv. so, in conclusion: @gitc and @abelincoln_bi hacked into tony stark’s ai to watch mickey mouse clubhouse together. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

next: @shuriofwakanda and @mjnotmichelle. i know mj pretty well because shes been close with peter for a while, and shuri’s come over a bunch of times. i know to fear shuri. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

this is after their movie was over. ned and abe were still watching their mickey mouse clubhouse, and ill get to what peter and harley were doing later. so. it’s my turn to check on them again, somehow. im convinced stark hacked it. anyway, 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

none of them were in the common room anymore, all their sleeping shit like the fuzzy blankets and sleeping bags were just abandoned, and it was scary, because they’re chaotic geniuses who are In The Wrong Place. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

i ask friday where everyone is, after @ironman finally overrode @gitc’s hack (it took a really fucking long time). so, ned and abe are where i left them, not focusing on peter and harley now, but friday tells me shuri and mj are no longer in the building. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

it’s 11:20ish, so it wouldnt be crazy for them to go out on a late night walk or some romantic shit. but, no. i ask friday where they are. she says they are no longer in the country, and she can’t extend that far. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

so. they have left the country. delightful. we go deal with peter and harley, and then its a little after midnight and we start to worry about the girls again. i call shuri, but she doesn’t pick up. she texts me: “lol only old people call. mj and i will be back in a couple minutes.” 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

delightful. they leave the country for an hour and now theyre coming back in a few minutes. stark is yelling at harley and peter, and abe and ned are still doing their strange binge of mickey mouse. not even natasha understood it, and natasha understands everything. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

they come back, and i look at them. shuri says: “why are you looking at us like that?” there is some yelling, some confusion, many sighs from me, and i eventually figure out what happened. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

shuri wanted to show mj her lab, so she figured, why not? and teleported them to wakanda. that’s,,, that’s the story. shuri wanted to take mj to wakanda for a quick visit, so she did. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

now, @siintern and @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage. i know them the best. i live with peter and hes basically my nephew, so of course ill know his boyfriend well too. anyway. the problem was i know peter. he may seem like an angel. he is fucking insane. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

going into my timeline, this is taking place after i asked friday where shuri and mj were and she responded with: out of the country. so, i asked her next about peter and harley. she tells me: hanging off of the avengers tower with @spidermann. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

i,,, tony would kill me if anything happened to peter, so i go to yell at spiderman and tell him to put peter and harley down. im not sure what i expected, but it wasn’t what i found. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

@spidermann had tied @tonystarkbrokeintomygarage and @siintern to him with his webs. he then proceeded to repeatedly jump out of the 110th window and shoot a web to the building seconds before peter and harley would be smushed on the street. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

now, these are all great stories, but nothing too crazy. fast forward to 12:40ish AM, all the kids are together, somehow im stuck on babysitting duty again. so i go to check the common room, they’re not there. at this point its what i expected. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

friday tells me that they’re in peter’s lab. now, let me tell you a bit about security. i have an alpha 1 access card, which means i can go anywhere except other people’s rooms. like, i can’t just waltz into nat’s room, also for fear of being killed. anyway. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

the high level labs are also privatized. only all-access people (tony, pepper, peter) can control the entire tower and even access the private rooms, even if they werent specifically granted access. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

but, i have an alpha 1 card, which is the highest card that isn’t all access. so i can go to every floor, i just can’t enter certain rooms. peter’s lab takes up an entire floor, and is surrounded by glass walls, so i’ll be able to see what they’re doing, even if i can’t go in. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

i head there. here is a picture of what i saw. 

[ned and abe are both holding lightsabres, and just laughing and watching on the sidelines. spider-man is hanging from the ceiling, and his lightsabre is blurred, meaning he was moving it quickly from side to side when the photo was taken. harley is hanging onto spider-man's leg and laughing extremely hard, (the picture of harley hanging from peter’s leg while he was wearing the spider-man mask and the picture of peter, mj, shuri, ned, and abe were merged to make it seem that peter and spider-man are two different people and the two pictures appear to be the same picture, yk?) mj is on shuri piggy-back style, her arms around her neck and laughing hard, shuri and peter are facing off with light sabres, serious looks on their faces. there are scorch marks, presumably from the sabres, everywhere.] 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

honestly? i wasnt surprised that they could make seven fully functioning lightsabres, i was just petrified for my life, so i ran away before they could slice me in half. 

fake ass birb ... <3 - @birb ✓ 

they fell asleep at 2:00 AM. 

[the floor is covered in sleeping bags and blankets and pillows. ned is lying on his side, and his hand is outstretched to abe, whose head is facing ned’s back. they are holding hands in their sleep. mj is asleep on shuri’s shoulder, and they both look very peaceful. peter is curled up into harley, who is embracing him.]


End file.
